My mother has always been my teacher – ii

Posted on August 5, 2008

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My mother has always been my teacher…

during this summer of love

i came to this realization

supportive conditions helping me realize

as well as feel that my mother has been a teacher all along

all along this way, this growing up, this being her son role

getting me to grow and heal and move beyond the smallness of myself

my mother was one of the people, who, when i got talking about her…

if you got me talking about her enough

she’d raise the temper

she’d have me raising my voice

and not feeling very close, compassionate, understanding

…worked up for sure

…closed and ego-speakin’ for sure

…speaking from my small self

“inner child” issssshhhhhes

the part of my that was broken and seeking attention

the part of me that i needed to heal for myself

take care of and nurture for myself

“sacred wounds” bringing me back to my true home

as I am sure all of us have had to travel

to come to terms with “parents”

this was the summer when it all seemingly came together

both in the mind and the heart

my mind which was self-righteously telling its story

about its hurts — my heart too
finally gettin’ it

that this has been an on-going pattern

for as long as i could remember

family dysfunctionality

“colonization” i say at times

immigration to the us

my mother and all the ways this experience in this lifetime

have shaped her in ways that i feel grate on me…

me being ungrateful, many times, about her way of being

wanting her to change

wanting her to see me in particular ways

suffering

and making my suffering worse

making myself helpless

making myself small because i felt small

and listening to myself speak from this place

.

.

.

the summer of love 2008

my mother has always been my teacher

healing the relationship that no longer serves

healing a way of being within my self that no longer serves

“spiritual reparative work” as one teacher put it

“i am a continuation of my father, mother and teachers” another One said

“expiration dates on blaming parents” said another

heart heart heart energy

opening, i think my heartspace

for the healing to occur

the healing i took birth for

my mother has always been my teacher

mothers have always been teachers

healing this relationship

choosing transformation in the midst of suffering

choosing understanding in the midst of suffering

choosing compassion (to myself first, and at times, to her) in the midst of suffering

seeing the noble truth in suffering when i find ways to work with it skillfully

mothers, women, power, wisdom, teachers

.

.

.

nourishment and transformation

waking up to my family reality

to the karmic relationships that have been part of this lifetime

and “leaving behind” praktis (thanks Thay)

renunciation of self-cherishing mind praktis (thanks Tsem Tulku)

heartspace praktis (thanks auspiciousheart, onelovetrust, and other wonderful cancerian friends)

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